Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Value of Relationships
In our reading for today, Elliot Liebow focuses on the kinds of relationships that the women of his study cultivate when they are homeless and reflects on the impact of these relationships on their lives, their well-being, and their ability to survive in the shelters and on the street. Take a few minutes and reflect on this chapter. Identify one of the conclusions Liebow comes to about these relationships and integrate a quotation into your comment from him that illustrates this point. How do Liebow’s observations support this conclusion? Why is it significant?
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"Many staff persons also offered consolation, encouragement, advice when asked, and a sympathetic ear. A kind of tension lay under these supports, however, because the great power of the staff lay precisely in their ability to withhold these things as well, beginning with their power to deny the women entry or expel them. This unequal power relationship tended to put a ceiling on the development of personal relationships…In addition, many of the staff, both paid and volunteer, were separated from the women by the real or imagined abyss of social class." (160-161)
ReplyDeleteThis quote illustrates one of the more limited, yet nonetheless significant, relationships cultivated by the homeless women and shelter staff, and is part of a grander issue often focused on. It paints a different picture than many of the more positive relationships Liebow discusses, yet it just as relevant to our discussion of homoelessness as many of the others. For years, I have always witnessed the willingness of individuals to give of their time to so nobly help the less fortunate. From serving food to providing shelter, so many middle- to upper-class individuals give of their time and money, yet when it comes to the sincere cultivation of relationships, there is often a line drawn that must never be crossed. Such relationships are limited both by the desire to maintain professionalism or by the constraints and norms that govern social class. Even for those that are more sincere, he observes, they never lose their "patron/client coloration" (161), and it continues to be a sort of 'charity case' for the staff member rather than a genuine friendship. This observation is significant in that true support - that is, assistance on the road out of homelessness - is more difficult to come by due to the dynamic of these relationships, as they often remain clinical and professional, and hardly manifest themselves into genuine personal relationships.
One conclusion that Liebow comes to in "Tell Them Who I Am" on the topic of relationships is that a strong bond occured between the women in the shelters when one would provide help. He sums it up in this quote; "The ability to deliver encouragement or solace at a critical moment could almost instantly deepen an ordinary relationship into friendship, but failure to deliver at a critical moment of need could downgrade a friendship to something less that it had been." Through his observations, he noted instances where this happened. One example was when Peggy, Evelyn, June, and Liebow visited the grave of Peggy's close friend. As Peggy started to cry, both Liebow and Evelyn sort of drifted away from her. June, however, remained with Peggy and wrapped her arms around her as Peggy continued to sob. The friendship between Peggy and June strengthened through this act of support and solace, while the friendship between Peggy and Evelyn grew apart. Each instance that Liebow observed, even the little things (gift giving, words of encouragement, etc.) became important for these women because it was the source of comfort in their lives. When they couldn't depend on men, children, family, jobs, homes, and basic needs to get by, they would reach out to one another for help. Though the women hardly had much to give, they would use what they had to give support to those in need. This is an important aspect of their relationships because it shows how deep their bonds went and how important the relationships between the women in the shelters were.
ReplyDeleteLiebow makes it clear in this chapter that friendship or a sense of partnership becomes a sort f necessity for many homeless women. "Of far greater importance to building a relationship was what the women could do for one another emotionally and psychologically"p164. Friendship between the women that Liebow studied was of such importance in the face of homeless because the hardships that these women endure and have endured can become too much for them to carry on just their own set of shoulders. Throughout his chapter "My Friend, My God, Myself", Liebow offers examples of instances in which the comfort from their friends, that bear the same cross of homelessness, such as that between Peegy and June. When Peggy had to confront the death of her husband, June was there to comfort her through her grief, and when Lily felt depressed about her husband leaving her and taking their children with them June was there once again to distract Lily with other subjects. The simple things that friends do for one another, like making conversation or holding one another, are an imperative luxury for many homeless women trying to survive their circumstances.
ReplyDeleteLiebow in this chapter illustrates the importance that relationships can have, especially to those who have little else. He discusses the relationship between men, women god and themselves. He also outlined the pitfalls that can occur from such relationships. Pregnancy and estrangement can occur but so can stability and trust.Ginger and Steven are a prime example of a good stable relationship between the homeless. They were involved romantically but only got together when it would not financially ruin their future because they had plans to marry and get their own home together. However it is difficult to tell whether or not Liebow endorses such relationships because his examples are primarily where people become less-than-enamored with each other and if pregnancy occurs, they do not have the money or support to raise their own child and must put them up for adoption.
ReplyDeleteHowever at the end of the chapter he makes his point clearly. "For most women, eon-on-one relationships with friends, with god and with themselves had lightened somewhat the crushing weight of homelessness. There was hope now along with despair." Liebow's point comes from an innate need of humanity, the need for others. He talked earlier about the intense hardship that people can overcome with others. His point is supported by the plethora of people who regained hope and life because of a relationship romantically, spiritually and with other homeless women. This point is significant because it shows how important humanity and community is, even to those at the lowest rung of society.
I found the section in which Liebow discusses the relationships the women formed with one another to be in the most interesting of the chapter. While the relationships the women had with men or with their church or with the shelter staff were all important and enabled the women to function on a day to day basis with the other women in the shelter the "importance to building a relationship was what the women could do for one another emotionally and psychologically." The significance of these friendships lies in the fact that these women were the only ones that could truly sympathize and understand what the others were feeling and offer support in the form of “been there, done that.” The staff and the men could empathize and offer the women support but in a different and less basic way than the women were able to support each other. Together they formed a society that could be leaned on emotionally and turned towards for feelings of belonging and acceptance similarly to how a family functions for a most people. For example, Melissa and John “adopted” Bonnie, and later Elsie ad “Grandma,” many other of the younger girls were “adopted” into Natalie’s family and referred to her as “mom.”
ReplyDeleteElliot Liebow has identified that the relationships that the women have with God, lovers, friends and themselves gives the women a sense of hope. Liebow directly states that “There was hope now along with despair, and the sense that, most of the time, life was worth living.” These homeless women for the most part are really only feeling despair if they have not established a relationship with any other person besides themselves. If they have lovers, friends or God in their life, the people bring the tiniest bit of joy which in turn can lead to giving homeless women hope for the days to come, even if most of the time it is filled with despair. Liebow’s observations support his conclusion because many of the women, such as Jenny who was relieved from homelessness by being moved to the top of the housing list, which is believed to be the work of luck and God’s help. These relationships are significant because the women demonstrate how much the relationships mean to them and how they have hope for the days to come.
ReplyDeleteLiebow makes the point that "[B]elief in God, then could invest homelessness with meaning and purpose and hope."(liebow 178)
ReplyDeleteIt seems that to escape the despair of homelessness and to create meaning in, I suppose, is a seemingly meaningless existence Liebow seems concerned that the women blindly follow faith and reject science. Examples of gleaning meaning from misery by way of faith are evident in Grace, when she says "it came to her [that] God wanted her to start her own Home for Emotionally Abused Adults." (liebow 177)
In rejecting science and accepting fundamental Christian beliefs on faith it is in my opinion that the women lose some touch with reality and follow the faith blindly, but this view briefly touched in Liebow's writing. Alarming to me is Regina's wish to"blow up every laboratory and hospital where animal extermination or abortions were being carried out and applauding the bombing of abortion clinics" (172). More alarming is they seem to be out of touch with the history/sects of Christianity. As is Mrs. Hilyard saying she is not Protestant "I'm Presbyterian...I protest nothing" (173).
In this chapter entitled “My Friends, My God, My Self” Liebow mentions the different friendships the homeless women had with each other. It seems that while some women would pair up based upon their age, race, or class, these lines mostly disappeared because the women were all in a position (being homeless) that they could relate to. Liebow states “of far greater importance to building a relationship was what the women could do for one another emotionally and psychologically” (164). Liebow observed the beginning of a friendship on one particular occasion when he drove Peggy, her “best friend” Evelyn, and June to a graveyard to visit the grave of Peggy's diciest friend. Peggy became very emotional and June was there to comfort her, wrapping her arms around her as she continued to cry while Evelyn did nothing. After this moment, Peggy and June stayed good friends even after Peggy left the shelter. This act of comforting created such as strong bond because although they may not have known each other well before, the women were there for each other emotionally in a time of need. Liebow goes on to explain how the women sometimes got each other small gifts or helped in financial ways (even though they didn't have much to give) but it seems that many of the strongest friendships grew when the women supported each other emotionally. Unfortunately, many of these relationships were one sided but the strongest were those shared between women who saw each other as equals.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things that I was struck by in this chapter was the idea that if these women have the ability to make relationships when they are homeless, what happened to all of their relationships beforehand? Liebow suggests that homelessness forces these women to give up those relationships. “For the great majority of women, friendships that pre-dated their homelessness might just as well have not existed. Grace said she used to think she had friends all over the country. Now she realized they were not friends but acquaintances. “If I had friends, would I be living in a shelter?” (p. 161) I feel as though in many cases this may act as a coping mechanism. What Grace says clearly shows that she has given up on all of the relationships she had ever built before become homeless, because she can’t believe that, if they were real friends, they would ever let her live without a home (That being said, Grace has kept her homelessness a secret from her ex-husband and children). Liebow also tells a story about Elsie, in which an old “friend” berates her for being homeless when she calls to ask for a favor, saying that she is homeless because she is lazy an because it is where she wants to be. This is significant because it shows another way in which the homeless women are alienated from their old lives. Because Liebow does not contact all of the women’s friends we will never really know both sides, but for the women it is easier to believe they have no friends outside of the homeless community. If they had friends, how could they warrant being homeless?
ReplyDeleteWhat remained most significant to me was how Liebow described the importance of beliefs and religion for the homeless women, and it provided more than just hope, motivation, etc. but it also gave the women something most could relate to. "Almost any topic", as Liebow described "could dserve as a lead-in discussion of the Bible and God". Also for the new incoming residents of the shelters religion, in one instance, was a gateway for a women to feel included into a conversation by stating that she believed in God as well. Liebow concluded that the women's belief in God would make meaning, hope, and purpose a possibility in the lives of the homeless. Through out Liebow's descriptions, it was evident that their belief in God was one of the primary anchors in the women's lives that perhaps kept them sane, motivated or even hopeful for the future, due to how frequent the women relied on this topic as an everyday norm.
ReplyDeleteThe public often questions why the homeless do not use the support of their family and friends to get back on their feet. What they don’t realize is that “for the great majority of women, friendships that pre-dated their homelessness might not have existed” (Liebow 161). After experiencing homelessness, women soon discover that those people were “…not friends, but acquaintances “(Liebow 161). They are abandoned by all former connections and must start over. As a result, women often become friends and enemies over little things. For example, if one homeless woman overhears another talking about a common interest that they share, a friendship can easily be made there. In the same way, if one homeless woman has a minor argument with another, they instantly become enemies. Essentially, certain differences that maybe in the non-homeless community would keep people apart has no effect on homeless women coming together. Also, their friendships tend to be one sided. One person reveres or adores another. With these imbalances, the relationships between homeless women are quite rocky and random.
ReplyDeleteLiebow emphasizes the importance of symmetry in the women's relationships among one another and with police, shopkeepers, public assistance, etc.
ReplyDeleteThe women have helpful relationships with other homeless women when they offer support and show effort reciprocally. If not, relationships are quick to change. (I couldn't find the quotes for this claim, but one was during the cemetery visit, the other when a women receives a gift from the two others.)
Relationships with significant class, access, and power discrepancies can struggle to maintain symmetry. Kim and Elliot disagree on the goodwill of security guards for example; they show the imbalances in those relations ships.
For women living on the street or lacking shelter for the night, security guards were often the only hope for a minimally safe night's rest.
[Kim's quote]
When Liebow talks about the women’s religious beliefs, he describes their relationship with God as a relationship with hope. The women face discouraging evidence and statistics about escaping from homelessness, but holding onto religion—holding on to the idea of a God who loves them and who will not forsake them—provides homeless women with a reason for living, a reason for caring, and a reason for trying everyday to escapes being homeless. By maintaining a relationship with God, the women had the ability to “transform a dismal and disabling statistical probability into something she can live with and work for” (Liebow 177). One woman supported this conclusion when she stated that her homelessness must be in God’s will—religion provided her with meaning and purpose in a life that can often be deprived of meaning or purpose.
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